What You Don’t Know About LGBTQ+ Family Making

Robin and Jaimie here. We’re the co-hosts of the podcast If These Ovaries Could Talk, and authors of a book by the same title coming out in September 2020. We’re moms, we’re lesbians (who are married to other ladies) and we each have two kids. And we’re here to talk about what you don’t know about LGBTQ+ family making.

What are My Options?

LGBTQ+ Family Making

This is partially excerpted from Jaimie and Robin’s forthcoming book, “If These Ovaries Could Talk: The Things We’ve Learned About Making an LGBTQ+ Family.” “If These Ovaries Could Talk” podcast is available where ever you get your pods.

Robin and Jaimie here. We’re the co-hosts of the podcast If These Ovaries Could Talk, and authors of a book by the same title coming out in September 2020. We’re moms, we’re lesbians (who are married to other ladies) and we each have two kids. And we’re here to talk about what you don’t know about LGBTQ+ family making.

What many folks don’t realize is that there is no simple way for LGBTQ+ people to have babies. There are so many decisions that we have to make because we have too much of one thing and not enough of the other. Two women have two uterus (or is it uteruses? uteri?), but they don’t have sperm. Two men have all the sperm in the world, but come up short in the eggs and hopper department. And with trans fertility, the questions are more specific to each individual or couple, but that doesn’t mean there are fewer questions to be answered.

In terms of paths, you can embark on the scientific route, but you’ll need to figure out who will carry the baby, whose egg will be used, who will donate the sperm, who will go first. Perhaps you’ll consider using a surrogate, IVF, IUI, or even trying at home with what we like to call the “turkey baster method.” You may think about adopting. If you do, you’ll need to figure out if you want to adopt internationally or domestically or if you want to use an adoption lawyer or private agency. And don’t forget there’s always the option of being foster parents.

Wherever you fall on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, if you want to have a kid, you’ll have to figure out how to make that baby. And no matter which path you choose, it will cost ya…a lot.

Now, you’d think there would be a lot of grumbling from LGBTQ+ folks about how hard it is to make families. Well, we’re here to tell you that hasn’t been our experience. The folks we’ve talked to have made thoughtful decisions and were deliberate and intentional at every turn. Instead of the process feeling like a cross to bear, every choice they made defined and illuminated their families in love. And that’s beautiful.

Now here are our personal stories: